June

I'm a liar.

It's something I knew about myself from the beginning.
They say that it's easy to lie to others, and that it's even easier to lie to yourself.
But that's only if you're not aware of that fact that you're a liar in the first place.
I knew.
And I wish that I didn't.
I wish that I could swim in that sea of ambiguity, of living life two-dimensionally, where everything is black and white, right and wrong, and every action and feeling is genuine. Perhaps like an animal. Perhaps like a human. Like a person, I guess.

When did it start? 

Ah, yes. When did it start. Perhaps when I was unaware. Perhaps when I became aware. Or maybe that, in itself, is another lie. Perhaps it's always been starting. Or maybe it never started in the first place.

Forever at the starting line.
Forever at the finish line.
Always the same.

No one will pull the trigger. The race will never begin.
You'll be sat, waiting there. Waiting.
And the race will never end.
Because it will never start.

I arrived.

My breaths froze in midair, puffing out in smalls clouds. It was a cold night; the weather said it would rain later tonight.
No.
I said that it would rain later tonight.

Haha
I laughed quietly to myself, looking up at the clock face. The architecture was as tacky as ever.

So this was it.


    The sound of rushed breath, and the sound of the crunch of leaves alerted me to the other person.
Ah yes, the other player.

He sure didn't look too good. Pale and all.

"~Ah."
I sighed.

It's time I guess.
Either way,
I sure am sick of lying.